Mentoring is about more than just giving advice or sharing knowledge, it’s about guiding someone to discover their own potential and abilities. The most impactful mentors act as guides, not by imposing their views, but by releasing something that already exists within the mentee. At its core, mentoring is about helping someone unlock potential they may not yet see in themselves, facilitating growth through validation and processing of their thoughts, actions, and experiences.
Releasing What’s Already There
A good mentor doesn’t create change in their mentee, they help release what’s already there. Think of it like sculpting; the mentor helps chip away the unnecessary, revealing the form and strength that was present all along. This isn’t always a quick or linear process. It requires patience and the ability to listen deeply. By validating what the mentee is going through and providing space for reflection, the mentor helps the mentee become more self-aware, laying the groundwork for transformation.
Validating and Processing
Mentorship isn’t about spoon-feeding answers but about asking the right questions, helping the mentee process their thoughts and experiences. Validation plays a crucial role here. People need to feel seen and heard before they can start the process of change. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything, but it does mean acknowledging where the mentee is coming from, their struggles, and their perspective.
Processing those feelings and experiences is where the magic happens. A mentor can guide someone through that process, but ultimately, the mentee must take ownership of it. This journey of self-discovery can be frustrating at times, but it is in that struggle where the most significant growth happens.
Guiding Yourself Out of a Job
A true mentor’s role is temporary, by design. There’s a limited window of usefulness when guiding someone through a specific phase of their journey. Ideally, the goal of mentoring is to make yourself obsolete. You might even guide yourself out of a gig—many times over your career. I’ve had short and long runs mentoring someone and I’ve learned that each relationship will have its natural end.
That’s the thing about mentorship, it’s not about staying in someone’s life forever. It’s about equipping them with what they need to move forward without you. The success of mentorship can often be measured by how well a mentee can thrive independently once the formal relationship has ended.
The Hard Truths
Not all guidance will be met with immediate understanding or gratitude. Sometimes, what a mentee needs to hear is difficult for them to accept. As a mentor, part of the job is delivering those hard truths. These are the moments when mentorship can feel uncomfortable, when your words lead to confusion, anger, or even resentment.
It can be tempting to shy away from difficult conversations, but real growth rarely happens in comfort. The hard truths, though painful, are often the catalysts for deep reflection and change. Some mentees may not understand at first, they might push back or shut down, but with time, many come around to see the value in the guidance. And for those who don’t, that’s part of the process too. Not everyone is ready to hear what they need at the moment they hear it.
The Mentor’s Journey
Being a mentor is about guiding others, yes, but it’s also about learning to step back and allow people to take charge of their own development. It’s about realizing that your usefulness has a limited shelf life, and that’s a good thing. Helping someone grow means helping them grow beyond you.
Mentorship is a delicate balance, walking the line between guidance and release, encouragement and challenge. It’s not always easy, but it is deeply rewarding. In guiding others, you too will learn and grow.